Friday, February 1, 2013

What Price Beauty?

It looks innocent enough doesn't it. . .?
        
          Just back from Paris and a Lipomassage seance.

         If ever I had a doubt about the adage, "one must suffer to be beautiful," let me simply say I confirmed the veracity of the cliche an hour ago.

         What is Lipomassage you're probably wondering. Let me tell you: It's a form of paid torture, but I was the one paying for it. Why do women submit themselves to this you might well ask.

         It's because the vast majority of us have cellulite and tend to retain water and, as we all know, the two do not blend smoothly together, but ensemble one floats upon the other giving us that "orange peel" texture we despise, particularly in swimsuit season.

If this woman is sleeping during her Lipomassage treatment she has been completely anesthetized.
          These sessions are referred to as "massages" but I can tell you if this is someone's idea of a message they should be locked up.

         Never does a hand touch the body, instead a physical therapist (operative words, "physical therapist" which translates into "medical act" in France) manipulates the machine pictured here. You could think, spying what appears to be a perfectly good surface for a massage, that the equipment hanging over it might be something new and pleasant. New it is. Pleasant it is not. With varying degrees of force behind the pressure, the therapist kneads the body.
Look! No cellulite!
          If you're thinking, "that's not dramatic," let me enlighten you. The thing sucks the skin like an industrial vacuum cleaner on steroids accompanied by a mechanism that simultaneously pinches the skin. The rhythm goes something like this: pinch, suck; suck, pinch; pinch, pinch, pinch and then suck, suck, suck, pinch. And, here's the best part, the machine has several speeds or frequencies or delta forces, whatever.

         What many, many, many of these appointments are supposed to produce is not weight loss -- we are cautioned not to even dream about that -- but rather a contoured body with, if not no cellulite, considerably less. The draining effects probably result in a lower number on the scale, but that does not signify real weight loss.

         I'll keep you au courant. Next week I have two more appointments because, quelle surprise (!), they must bunched together for maximum benefits.

35 comments:

Déjà Pseu said...

Ouch! I hope for all of that you're pleased with the results...maybe a couple glasses of wine before the next one? ;-)

Shelley said...

I just watched on TV that alcohol increases your susceptibility to pain, so maybe save the wine for after... Personally, I think I'd just learn to live with my cellulite.

The Gold Digger said...

All I can think of is your poor, bruised body.

BigLittleWolf said...

This sounds like absolute TORTURE.

Why not a nice flowing wrap over the bathing suit, and impeccably tailored skirts and pants?

Curious to know what effects the trio of treatments produce, and hopefully something other than a need for sleeping pills to deal with the nightmares...

rosaria williams said...

Yes, the cost of beauty! It must be worth it, no?

Lost in Provence said...

Wait, you are really going BACK? *the mind reels*

I am with the ever wise D--it is called a kaftan and it is our best friend ever.

Bisous et Bon Weekend,
H

PS. You DO know what tomorrow night is, don't you???

webb said...

Thanks for taking one for the team. Will be interested to know if you really see results. Have been tempted to try the "cold sculpting" in which they freeze the fat. It sounds less painful.

Susan said...

I would be wary. It is important to be aware that our lymph system is right before the surface of our skin. The system can be delicate in those who are predisposed to a compromised system (more people that you would think). Damage can cause permanent issues. Skin is not meant to be handled in the way described here. I hate to be a naysayer, but I would be wary.

Sheila said...

Looks like the insanity will never end on ridiculous phoney machines hyped as beauty aids. You can find ads for crazy stuff in this genre even back in victorian-era news print. When will women learn? Geez.

SE said...

Hmmm... I think I also would have fallen for this given the word "massage" in the name. But once you've gone through it, and it's as unpleasant as you describe, I hope you just get a real, relaxing, lymph draining massage. Someone once asked Anais Nin how she stayed so youthful. "Massage" was her answer.

Katherine said...

So the end result is no cellulite, but extensive bruising?
I have to agree with Susan's comments above - your body is not meant to be handled this way.

Kristien62 said...

Think I will stick with my occasional facials which are both relaxing and effective if only temporarily. Good luck with your outcome.

Joni said...

Yikes! I'm surprised you're going back for more. I would've asked for a refund or asked to use the money torward a completely different service -- like a nice soothing massage.

Looking forward to your next update on this.

Anonymous said...

It sounds so unpleasant. You must be doing it as an investigative reporter or research for your next book.

Anonymous said...

Cellulite shmellulite, what kind of insanity is this? Why do women fall for these soit-disant health contraptions that promise the unattainable, we are all getting older, 20 yr old body gone, learn to live with and love the one you have.I agree with Susan, you may be doing more harm than good, plus forking over good $$$$, you sure you wanna do dat?

Karen Albert said...

Tish wow I would anesthetize MYSELF...wine, Xanax, something!

xoxo
Karena
Art by Karena

rosedeva said...

And you are doing this...why??? I agree with those who suggest caftans and/or living with a little bit of cellulite. I do not believe in pain, especially if it can be avoided.

Amelia said...

I don't know if I should giggle from your description of the delta force frequencies going pinch pinch suck suck or cry from torture that monster machine inflicted on you.

Hope you're not too sore to enjoy the weekend. Have a great one!

Amelia

High Heeled Life said...

The things we women try ... but if it works it will be worth every bit of ouch!!and it will beat going into surgery to achieve this. Keep us posted, please. xo HHL

sophisticatedlady66 said...

I'm a longtime lurker, and have enjoyed this site and all the wonderful banter for several months, and finally felt brave enough to participate. I am a live and let live kind of person, so if you're happy with the results of your treatments, great for you!

I, however, have an extremely low tolerance for pain, despite delivering twins without any drugs (totally worth it at the end of the day), so I doubt I'd pay to be in the amount of pain it sounds like you we're/are in, I hope you feel better soon!

mette said...

I´m a bit surprised, do you r e a l l y need this treatment? I mean, even though I have never seen a full picture of you ( ! ), I imagine you to be slim, svelte..

Anonymous said...

I have heard that French women are
very determined to rid themselves of cellulite. I'm not sure how true this is since I don't live in France. Wouldn't that be an interesting topic for "A Femme". I have heard that there are creams and
treatments galore to get rid of cellulite in your adopted country.

Francine Gardner said...

Cellulite..a much hated word that I thought would never touch me...here i am, cannot bear to even look at my legs, my bikinis traded for Norma Kamali wraps. I caved in and purchased a series of 12 laser treatments, get massages every week and currently training my husband to the pinching method..if all else fails, i will wear my saris to the pool parties and the beach...

Tish Jett said...

You're absolutely right. It is research. I'm hoping it's research with benefits.

I'll tell you how things are going, every step of the way. I'll also fill you in on a regime -- not as in diet, but as in a discipline (maybe one day a habit? Doubtful.) I'm doing with products

It's all soooo much work. All I can say is I wish my gym swimming pool would re-open. It's being renovated and I'm miserable without the mind and body calming effects of aqua gym and swimming lengths. I'm on the lookout for one close enough to make the trip reasonable/doable.

I agree with all of you who suggested cover-up. Camouflage is a woman's best friend.

Anonymous said...

Boudoir or beach?
Which one is the motivation for
French women?

Villette said...

As Webb says, thanks for taking one for the team, Tish. I want lots of reports on this, with a check on whether it might encourage spider veins.

Tish Jett said...

I would say beach. They have more inventive tricks for the boudoir and, remember, they can control the lighting. . .

labergerebasque said...

The eternal farmer’s wife, I believe beauty comes from the inside in combination with long walks on the outside :)

lady jicky said...

If a person is on certain drugs - ie Warfrin - it could be VERY dangerous !

knitpurl said...

Tish, admire your courage. Hope there are only positive after-affects and after-effects for you. Give me a glorious 90 minute massage with a talented masseuse. This sounds too painful. xoC

The enchanted home said...

Ouch, I am wincing as I am reading this...I have virtually no pain tolerance so doubt I would be a good candidate for this and sounds like it involves multiple sessions of this torture....please keep us posted on the results. I do hope that at least in the end, you come out with the results you were hoping for going in! Good luck Tish.

The Gold Digger said...

Have been tempted to try the "cold sculpting" in which they freeze the fat.

Doesn't work. It's been below zero the past few days during my 8-minute walk to the bus for work and 2 to eternity minute wait.

I still have chubby thighs.

Lily Lemontree said...

Now that sounds like an experience! But like you said sometimes we must suffer for beauty (one of these days I would love to find out who coined that phrase and pop him right in the nose! LOL!)
Can't wait to hear the results!

Duchesse said...

There is no nonsurgical treatment that will give a woman our age firm, taught thighs.

You are beautiful! Why put yourself through this? As for the beach: sarong!

Tish Jett said...

Let me be perfectly honest with you, I really do not care if my thighs are cellulite-free. The whole notion is rather silly.

I'm just doing this because Frenchwomen do it and it's a journalistic experiment. I do not expect great results. As one nutritionist I interviewed said, "these massages make one 'appear' thinner in her clothes; they do not make her lose weight."

To tell you the truth though, I don't know how many of these I can tolerate.

You are all so much fun. xo

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