Ed. Note: My great, great friend D. A. Wolf creator of the Daily Plate of Crazy is back today with yet another poignant observation about us. As always, she offers pertinent information distilled with her signature style and panache.
I hereby admit that I’m dreadful at the following.
- I struggle with single-threading (doing one activity at a
time).
- I struggle with sitting still (I have the proverbial spilkes).
- I forget
to eat, I steal from my sleep, and I rarely stop to take a deep breath and relax.
It isn’t that I don’t understand the value of slowing and savoring.
I do.
But my habit of running ruthlessly is well-ingrained. It
was extreme in my married years - juggling job, kids, and the hubby when he was
home; it’s been a whirlwind (and dare I say a necessity) since raising my boys on my own and keeping our household going.
I thank my lucky stars (and knock on wood) when it comes
to familial energy. Apparently, even on my worst days, I possess it in abundance.
But my schedule – and habits – of taking on too much and requiring myself to
perform at uber-utmost levels are, I know, unreasonable.
The Busy Trap and Consequences
Generally it takes some incident – shattering a glass
(and finding myself surrounded by shards), running into a wall (literally!) – in
order to bring myself back to my senses. Then I
realize it’s time to stand still – that is, if I want to find myself still standing
tomorrow!
As to that frenetic pace, I read a wonderful article on
the New York Times recently, "The Busy Trap," that deals with the issue of being busy –
overly busy, "crazy" busy – which seems to characterize a particularly American affinity for activity taken to levels of excess.
The fact is – we're stressed to the max. But we
don’t
have to take on everything we deem "necessary" (because it's not), and
a bit of (so-called) boredom can assist in allowing the mind
to rest much as we rest the body.
If the mind unwinds, we sleep better. And
sleep, as medical news continues to inform us, is critical to physical health,
to memory, to learning, to mood, to weight control... and the list goes on.
When we sleep, we restore ourselves and prepare for
diving into the next experience – or task – with renewed energy and focus. And
let’s face it, we look a good deal better when we’re rested, too!
Patterns of
Behavior
Our good habits?
Oh, there are many, and the women I know don’t give
themselves enough credit for them. They
may include regimens of self-care, patience with children or aging parents –
often the result of practice – and discipline in all sorts of endeavors.
Bad habits?
They may be as simple as biting our nails or slouching, annoyances we can train ourselves to eliminate in fairly short order (if we pay attention). They may be more
problematic – something like interrupting (which can cost us friendships), not listening
(which can cost us relationships, or worse), or habits to do directly with health
such as one too many glasses of wine after work, chain smoking, or emotional eating. And yes, there's a fine line between bad habits and excesses that land us squarely in the heartbreak of addiction.
Is Busy "Bad" Behavior?
But what about the
state of being busy? Or rather, the constant flux and shuffle of multiple
activities, dashing madly from place to place or task to task, not to mention,
incessantly checking our communication devices?
Do we use our “busyness” to obscure issues we
don’t want to deal with – lack of purpose, loneliness, other emotions that hurt?
I am not a psychologist, but like many of us, I’m a woman
who has dealt with life events that set us adrift – the sort of losses we might
expect as we grow older, and those we never anticipate at any age. I understand that activity – working,
writing, exercising, cleaning – can be therapeutic for awhile. But never standing still, when it’s taken to
excess, may leave us burnt out or worse.
We may not face our underlying problems (and
thus, have a shot at resolving them). We may damage
our health, when STOP could turn things around.
I am about to make two gross generalizations, in full
recognition that I’m doing so.
First, French culture is more amenable to reasonable apportioning
of time – at least, more reasonable than America. One needn’t feel guilty when
taking a weekend with family (and not working); one needn’t justify a vacation.
My second generalization?
In my lifetime, I’ve seen men know when to say “enough”
in the work arena, in the domestic arena, and in the relationship arena. They
take their breaks. They refuel. They step aside long enough to regroup,
reassess, and refocus. Without guilt.
And the women?
Perhaps it's our culture of women taking on too much, with insufficient support and too damn much (misplaced) pride. Perhaps it’s my circle of friends and acquaintances and
our particular responsibilities. But I know this:
- We don’t
say “enough.”
- We don’t slow down in the work arena, the domestic arena, or the
relationship arena.
- Our expectations of
ourselves are sky high, and I’ve seen only small improvements as we grow older.
We tend to take breaks when others insist we do so, or we
take breaks when we actually begin to break – ourselves.
I’d like to believe that if we are thoughtful, if we join together with our women friends and gently remind ourselves to pay closer attention, we could lighten
up on the sense of self-esteem we derive from our attempts to “do it all” - and
do it all perfectly.
Instead, we’ll know that common sense – and health – require us to stand still, even briefly, if we hope to find ourselves still standing over the long haul.
© D. A. Wolf
