Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Weddings, By Invitation Only

Andrea on her wedding day. The ceremony and the reception took place in a sumptuous flower shop in Chicago.
Welcome to another installment of our By Invitation Only group, created and developed by the absolutely divine Marsha of Splenderosa fame. When you click to her blog you'll be directed to the others who are participating.

This month's assignment was simple, yet complex, and explained with a single word: "Weddings." I suppose that's because it's June. As it happens I was married in June -- both times. Andrea, my daughter, was married in September.


Since her wedding was wonderful and more recent I thought I would tell you about hers instead of mine. Also I must admit I loved, loved, loved my role as The Mother-of-The-Bride. I look on that part as best supporting actress. And, believe me it took some fine acting skills at certain moments. As is the case with many weddings these days, the mixed family thing makes the situation how shall we say (?) delicate; yes that's the word.

My-Reason-For-Living-In-France did not attend, however my ex-husband, his second ex-wife, their two children, his new girlfriend and his brothers were all present. (I love his brothers btw.)

MRFLIF does not like airplanes. He doesn't have anything in particular against them as long as he's not in one.  We do not use the word "fear" at any time.  He explains his "avoidance syndrome" (my words) as his not liking to be inside moving vehicles from which he cannot exit at will.  Whatever.

His absence however did provide me with a delicious once-in-a-lifetime moment during the Champagne toast segment of the reception to be the star of the soirée.  He gave me the possibility to have all attention focused on moi, moimoi -- spotlight, microphone and every eye in the house glued on the MOB.   

Had he actually been there this would have been a lost opportunity so as Pierre my Buddhist jeweler says, out of everything bad comes something good.

I stood before some 130 people and read his beautiful message to his beloved stepdaughter.

Here is what he said (I know this is an extremely long post, but I think his words are wonderful and I hope you will too):  

This long, long post needed "art" so I've included MRFLIF and moi meme on our wedding day.

Ma Petite Andrea,

I would so much like to have been at your side today to accompany you toward the man with whom you have chosen to spend the rest of your life.

Before meeting your mother and you more than 25 years ago I thought life was made up of moments without tomorrows.

But from the day the person who is reading my words to you came into my life I knew immediately my world had a sense and that we formed one of those rare couples where each of us lives definitively not only with each other, but for each other.  Suddenly everything seemed simple and evident.

As for you, my chere Drea, the little girl who probably thought I was stealing her mother; our relationship has over the years grown into a magnificent complicity.

I always dreamed of having a daughter and voila -- there you are.

Now. . .  Maybe it's about time I started to talk about you and Will.  Most of all I wish for you the same harmony and happiness I share with your mother.

It's difficult to create a successful couple -- at least that's what everyone believes.

I don't agree.

Whatever the disparate personalities within a couple, the most important condition for success is that each of you is attentive toward the other -- every moment of every day -- in your thoughts and in your actions.

No one is perfect, but a perfect marriage is possible when both partners replace the word "I" with the word "We".

No one should ever hope or try to change the personality of his or her spouse.  A couple must be the sum of their two distinct characters which ultimately creates the richness of a shared life.



Now let's be concise:

1.)  Love is easy -- it's simply chemistry.

2.) Happiness is not merely a word.  It is a decision.

3.) Once that decision is taken, it allows you to face any situation no matter how difficult. (And you can be sure there will be difficult situations.)

4.) And how about fidelity?  Fidelity is the supreme luxury one offers the other no matter what the price in order to preserve and protect your precious couple.

5.) A sense of humor makes up for the rest and heaven knows you and Will are rather gifted in that domain.

Now, entre nous, Will.  We're entrusting Andrea to you.  Beautiful, intelligent, sensitive and loyal -- she deserves the happiness I'm sure you will give her.  And I am certain she will give you in return.  You probably know all of her faults, if not I wouldn't want to tell you here and deprive you of the delectation you'll have discovering them in the years to come.


And finally, Will, a formula I've found works quite well with her mother that I'd like to pass along to you in case you might wish to use it from time to time.

Whenever necessary -- and you'll know when it's necessary -- try saying these three phrases.

1.)  Je suis desole. (I'm sorry. . .)
2.) Tu as raison.  (You're right. . .)
3.) Je t'aime. (I love you.)

From the bottom of my heart I wish you both all the happiness in the world -- tout la bonheur du monde.

36 comments:

Lost in Provence said...

Oh my, I am going to be a puddle of tears today, I need to just accept that! Thank you so much for sharing your RFLIF's beautiful words and ideas. They really sum it all up perfectly for anyone in a committed relationship. I will come back to this post again, I know...

Anonymous said...

When next I have to make a speech, I will come back to this one! Thanks for sharing!
Karen

Vicki archer said...

Teary... that''s me... Tish, No wonder he is your RFLIF... Bravo to exceptional sentiments and a wonderful declaration for your daughter... xv

linda said...

What a sweetheart he is- and what a beautiful speech!
-linda,ny
ps you are all totally gorgeous!!!

Francine Gardner said...

How beautifully said... i have led my life as a 'we" and never realized until I read these words how powerfule a "we" can be. thank you for such a lovely moment spent reading your story, F.

Sam @ My Carolina Kitchen said...

Tears are flowing this morning. What a beautiful letter to Andrea. You are a very lucky lady Tish.
Sam

The enchanted home said...

OMG if this doesn't bring tears to ones eyes what will? Absoltuley amazing and sooo touching! You were a beautiful bride! What a keeper he is...love it!

Anonymous said...

beautiful

Jules said...

What a very beautiful speech from an obviously very beautiful man. I understand his avoidance syndrome perfectly which is why we will not ever be having coffee together in Paris!!!!!! xx

sharon santoni at my french country home said...

Please give your wonderful husband an extra kiss from me Tish, that speech is perfect, how wonderful it must have been when you read it out!
Just love that picture of Andrea!
Sharon
xx

Nicoleta_B said...

Very intresting and lovely blog!

What do u say about following each others blog on Gfc and bloglovin just to stay in contact this way?

Lots of love,

www.nicoleta.me

Catherine Robinson said...

Simply beautiful Tish...I think your partner's words are lovely too...he is so right about the perfect marriage being possible when both partners replace the word 'I 'with the word 'We'...simple but oh so true.
Thank you for sharing his beautiful words.
Catherine
xx

Yvonne @ StoneGable said...

Tish,
What a beautiful tribute to your daughter.The words are so full of wisdom and love! I am a big mess of tears!
You daughter looks stunning!

Splenderosa said...

Oh, how beautiful, Tish. His words should be memorialized. I love the pic of the 2 of you, so so pretty. And darling daughter also. Yes, 2 things we all have in common, one way or another, weddings & babies...2 things that will happen forever. Thank you for being in our group from the beginning and now. Each of us brings a special facet to the whole, it's what makes us so special. xx's

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

This is just so lovely...

Annette said...

What beautiful words your RFLIF wrote. -- and from a stepfather no less.

kathy peck said...

Chiming in with more of the same. Your daughter is beautiful, I love the photos of your own wedding, and the letter to Andrea is so moving, full of wisdom and love, and deep emotion. Teary here also.

quintessence said...

What a beautiful and touching post. One more insightful nugget as to why he became your RFLIF!! And clearly he became a major force in the lovely Drea's life as well. And of course I LOVED getting a rare glimpse of both of you - stunning of course!

Joni said...

So beautiful! To me, the venue looks like Jayson Home & Garden. I love that place!

Jill Ann said...

Just lovely. I can see why you snapped him up! So sweet, and yes, tear-inducing. Although I do tear up pretty easily, and your post prompted me to wonder how on earth I will cope at my own daughters' weddings without being reduced to a blubbery mess. Since they're still teenagers, I presumably have several years to figure this out....my own mom relied on Valium at my wedding, but that's not my style!

BTW loved your daughter's dress...nearly all the wedding announcements I see these days feature strapless dresses, which are not usually that flattering, IMO. Am hoping Kate Middleton's pretty lace-sleeved dress with help swing the trend away from strapless!

Samantha said...

I think, dear Tish, that you have managed to find the husband of every woman's dreams! How truly wonderful he must be to have written such wise and heartfelt words to offer on such a momentous occasion!
Andrea looks radiantly beautiful.
I wish you all much happiness.

déjà pseu said...

This is such a beautiful and inspiring post. What wonderful words, and how it must have made you feel to read them! You and YRFLIF are so fortunate to have found each other.

Belle de Ville said...

Tish, those words were so beautiful they brought tears to my eyes. May I please borrow some of them for my speech when my son gets married next year.

Jacqueline @ HOME said...

Oh Tish,
What a wonderful BIO post....your daughter looks beautiful and her dress is very similar to our daughter-in-law's dress.
Your RFLIF's speech was perfect....no wonder you love him so much. It's been great to be one of the first members of BIO along side of you and I look forward to more in September. Much love. XXXX

BigLittleWolf said...

What a gorgeous post. Every. Last. Word.

And image.

So much wisdom.

xoxo

webb said...

Wow! what a partner you found. Can't type for the tears.

kabayoz said...

Your beautiful daughter gets her looks from her "moi meme". Be still my heart. I can't keep my reading glasses from fogging up while reading MRFLIF letter. He's awesome!

Carol said...

What an exquisite bride your beautiful Andrea makes.

l also have tears running down my cheeks. Such a moving speech, and so much love, no wonder you adore your MRLIF

danette said...

Happiness is a decision. Brilliantly stated. thank you for that. It hits exactly the right spot for me at this time.

Cheryl said...

I have been reduced to a puddle of mush. He would truly be my RFLIF. You are blessed, as is Andrea.
She is simply stunning. Not hard to imagine. I am sure her wit and intellect follow suit.
Thank you for this incredible post.

Belle de Ville said...

I loved this post so much that I have nominated it for blog post of the year.
http://beverlyhillsbranche.blogspot.com/2012/06/wonderful-words-for-wedding-or-my.html

Lisa said...

You and your daughter are both so lovely. The speech is one for the ages. It is so true, we have to take care of each other and make that our task.

Veronica said...

Oh my word Tish this is so so beautiful! thank you so very much for sharing it with us. What a wonderful gift of love from your Reason for Living in France!! I always always giggle out loud when I read that ...lol... Perfection...

Hugs

VEronica
Tassels Twigs and Tastebuds

Apologies for the late comment!

Jennifer- The Adventuresome Kitchen said...

Oh Tisch- I am weepy. What a lovely man you have married!

A.Smith said...

Tish, YRFLIF would be enough good reason to move to Mars as well. Ah, why is it that some men have that incredible ability to read the heart instead of trying for the head of their partners and others...

Be well and happy, and best wishes to the bride who I am sure with such a sendoff can be nowhere else but on her way to a wonderful married life.

Fifi Flowers said...

BEAUTIFUL bride!

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